How a husband can help a wife:
1. Let her see you cry. A lot of guys try to be strong (which is fine) but never showing your grief appears as if you don't care. And the wife needs to know you feel the pain with her and care about what's going on.
2. Talk about it. Which is hard cause it goes against the mans nature. He would rather not think or talk about it. Go to his "nothing box" so to speak. But for women talking about it is essential. They need to feel the freedom to express the millions of emotions. Give her space to vent.
3. Little acts of kindness. Cheesy, but flowers, little cards, and hugs or even a bucket of ice cream on the hard days just make you feel supported and brighten your day.
4. Point her to Christ. You don't have to preach at her but sharing an encouraging verse, a song, taking time to pray with her will help on so many levels.
5. Being aware of her surroundings. After multiple losses seeing a baby or pregnant woman when I don't expect to can be hard. Noticing those things and giving her a heads up. Or even giving her a way to get out of the situation can help her. It's a way you can protect her.
6. Be flexible. We went to the mall once only about a month after I lost Zechariah. And as we sat ordering our food, a tv station came by and started interviewing the table next to us on the joys of mother hood for Mother's Day. I tried. But I lost it. And I just wanted to go home. Adam dropped everything, canceled the orders and left. Providing that kind of safe zone helps. There have been days he has canceled things cause it's been a hard day for me...
7. Allow her time to heal physically from the loss. Miscarriage can be really painful physically. And a c-section is for sure 😅 Due to the sadness it can be easy to want her to be normal as soon as possible to not daily deal with the reality of what happened. But she needs that time to heal physically, don't try to rush them back to normal. They need time just like mommies who keep their babies do.
8. Let her be sad. Let her grieve. You don't have to fix it.
How a wife can help a husband:
1. Realize it's not just you. Yes, we experience the loss in a more intimate and maybe even deeper level since we had the baby in our body.... but they experience it too. They lost a child too. People tend to offer more support to the mom. Don't leave dad out. He needs the support too.
2. Realize he grieves differently. Just because you don't always see it. Doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. He's usually not gonna cry as much or talk about it as much. But he is still grieving. Don't think he doesn't care.
3. Give him space. A lot of guys deal with tough things by going to their "nothing box" that may be something like playing a video game or some other mindless activity. Once again. They deal differently.
4. Allow them guy time. And help their guy friends help him. Shortly after we lost Zechariah we faced a Brazilian Father's Day so I knew none of his friends in the states would know to say anything. Without him knowing I texted all his close friends to tell them so they would wish him Happy Father's Day. The support from other guys is important.
5. Point him to Christ. Yes he is the spiritual leader but he needs your encouragement too. Sharing an encouraging verse, a song, taking time to pray with him as well.
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