Zechariah James story (our second loss)

It was a long year and a half after losing Matthew before I could get pregnant again. The long, frustrating, difficult roaller coaster of infertility was not at all what we expected we would face after our loss. I remember one Sunday, shortly before we got pregnant where the Pastor preached out of the book of Zechariah (chapter 1). Few sermons hit closer to home then that one did. His main points were that God saw me, He knew my pain, He remembered me, and He would work on my behalf. The name Zechariah means "God remembered me". That day I told Adam, if we ever did get pregnant again, and if it was a boy, Zechariah would be his name.

Little did I know not even a month later I did get pregnant. I remember lots of fears in the beginning, but with each week that passed, the symptoms increased, the doctor exams kept showing everything great and we became more confident that this was our little miracle. God remembered us. I had been praying for a boy, and fewer days were more exciting then the day we found out that's what we had :). It was a smooth pregnancy, he was an active baby, always moving around like crazy. The only red flag was around 32 weeks I started feeling cramping and contractions, and we thought maybe I might be leaking amniotic fluids. I went on bedrest to convince Zechariah to hang out with me a little longer and he did. We hit 41 weeks and he seemed quite content to stay in there even with the contractions from time to time.

April 1, 2016 I went in for a regular checkup. His heart rate was lower then normal but still within the norm. So I went for an ultrasound, within one hours time his heart rate had dropped from 150 per minute to 50 per minute. We rushed into the hospital for an emergency c-section. Our sweet baby lived for 3 hours after he was born. He had heart failure and was revived 3 times. I heard him cry from a far, but that's all I got to see of him during his short life. I lay recovering from he c-section when they brought my beautiful boy for me to hold. He was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen in my life. He was perfect. A big boy, almost 9 pounds. Long, chubby, beautiful strawberry curls on his head. His tiny little fingers curled around my finger. Moments I replay over and over in my head o a daily basis. Those short moments flew by so quickly, I always wish there were more of them. The state of shock and dreamlike feeling lasted for days. I only remember snippets. But his beautiful face could not be more vividly skecthed into my heart.

A loss like this one is so completely different from a miscarriage. I continue to learn from his 41 weeks with me. He taught me so much.  So much about life, death; joy and grief. He taught me love in a way I never knew it before. He showed me how to better help those hurting around me. It was hard, it still is hard, I've come to realize it forever will be hard. God gives strength, daily He gives just what we need to get through that day. Zechariah James Lancaster will never be forgotten, no matter how many years go by. That's ok, he should be forever remembered and he will be forever loved. ❤️